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what do michael jackson and grocery bags have in common?


they're both thin white plastic and both can be harmful to childern
 

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this was on exriders: Who says men don't remember anniversaries ?
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room . "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies. The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued... "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, ''Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'" "I remember that too" she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said...... "I would have got out today."
 

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I just read this one on another site! :lol:

Men strike back! !

> How many men does it take to open a beer?
> None. It should be opened when she brings it.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
> Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never
> be able to support you.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
> Why do women have smaller feet than men?
> It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
> them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
> When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> How do you fix a woman's watch?
> You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> Why do men fart more than women?
> Because women can't shut up long enough to
> build up the required pressure.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife
> is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
> The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
> A woman who won't do what she's told.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> I married a Miss Right.
> I just didn't know her first name was Always.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
> a woman's sex drive by 90%.
> It's called a Wedding Cake.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> Why do men die before their wives?
> They want to.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> Women will never be equal to men until they can
> walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
> gut, and still think they are sexy.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
> Then God created Man and rested.
> Then God created Woman.
> Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
A man and a women get ready to have sex!
First the man takes off his shirt go's into the bathroom and washes his hands.
Then he takes off his pants and then washes his hands again.
The women watching him says "you must be a Dentist"
The man says "yes how did you know that".
She replies "Dentist keep there hands very clean"
After sex, the women looks at him and says "you must be a very good dentist"
The man says "yes I am, how did you know that"










The women replies" I didn't feel a thing"
 

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How could the police determine that michael jackson had just got back from the mall when they searched his mansion?


They found boys pants, half off!
 

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Originally posted by BingeNut@Jul 29 2004, 07:04 AM
Those are good LMAO

How do you know when it is bedtime at Michael Jacksons house?
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When the big hand touches thie little hand.
AHAHAHAHA, i havent heard that one before, thats great lofl..
 

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these are hilarious. we should have aspot dedicated for jokes. :D :lol: :D :lol:
 

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we should have a mod pin this!
 

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My dad e-mailed me this joke today...thought it was pretty funny so enjoy!


A rebulican, and democrat and a southern republican were asked the following qeustions, theirs answers were recorded.

Your walking down a dead end street in the city with your wife,son, and your daughter and sudenly a wacko runs up to you with a knife in his hand yelling DEATH!!! you have a glock in your coat pocket and ar an expert target shooter what do you do??

DEMOCRAT:
why is this man doing this

Maybe we should donate to a mental institution for people like this

Why are streets this horrible anyway

We should get together and clean up streets like this

Is he intent on killing me or will he just injure me

Maybe if i grab his legs while hes stabbing me my family can run away

What kind of example am i setting to my children and others carrying a gun in my pocket

Why are we walking on such a horrible street anyway

Let me get together with a few friends and converse about this for a few days, when we come to a consensus we will get back to you!

REPUBLICAN:

BANG!!!

SOUTHERN REPUBLICAN:

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

BANG (sounds of reloading) BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

SOUTHERN REBUBLICANS DAUGHTER:

Nice grouping daddy were those the winchester hollow tips?




I thought this was awsome
 

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Originally posted by desert_450r@Jul 30 2004, 09:13 PM
What does a Catholic Priest and Acne have in common ?

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They both come on boys faces at about age 13 ... 
thats horrible.....but funny. :lol:
 

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A pedophile and a little boy are walking through the woods in the dark together, and the boy says to the man "mister, it's sure scary here." The man looks down at the boy and says "Think that's scary? I have to walk back out of here alone."
 

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Whats nasty and white and is found in little kids pants?




















Michael Jacksons hand :D
 
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